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by Men With Beards

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released December 25, 2014



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Track Name: Peanut Butter
Peanut butter ... peanut butter ... peanut butter ...
Track Name: Chuck Norris (The Beard Fist Way)
Shut up, it’s his show,
oops, too slow,
it’s in your contract, you shoulda known,
not his fault you can’t take death as a a joke,
you don’t fuck with Chuck,
and you don’t rhyme about it either,
he knows, the irony is sweeter,
like how he beat dad to mom’s beaver,
but that’s not it,
he wasn’t born, he beat his way out with fists,
dad was a loud-mouthed bitch,
and that’s how Chuck learned the round-house kick…it felt good,
it felt right, it felt like it should,
be used for justice, and pro-
tecting the American way of Chuck’ses.

'Member when Bruce Lee was cheered?
He’d still be here if he grew a beard.

Chuck drinks napalm for heartburn,
his chief export is pain,
he shits out starbursts,
and he doesn’t sleep, he waits,
McGuyver thinks he’s so smart,
cause he can take nothing and make shit,
but for Chuck Norris, it’s not hard,
to just kill him and take it,
it’s the Chuckalogical answer,
which means: he’s right,
by the way, his tears cure cancer,
too bad he never cried, (ever)
Chuck Norris doesn’t read,
he stares at books until they confess,
and Chuck Norris doesn’t need,
he speaks female, one word: undress.

None shall pass, Chuck Norris,
he’s only gonna win,
he’s not hung like a horse,
horses are hung like him,
there’s no chin behind his beard,
it’s just another fist, he
has no friends just their fears,
of his roundhouse kick,
once he fought a wolverine,
he lost a testicle to the cur,
look way up and you can see,
the technical term is Jupiter,
roundhouse kicks come in head fulls,
he doesn’t believe in Germany, they
can his piss and call it Red Bull,
the p is for free.

Let it be known:
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.